Day 15- Love You
If I’m honest there are so many things going through my brain at the moment, so I have typed and erased several times trying to decide which issue I want to tackle first.
Currently my church is in a series called the Battlefield of the Mind. When I first heard that we were going into this topic it made me think about when I first read the book by Joyce Meyers. My mind was always all over the place and it was constantly working against me. I had no idea how to control my thoughts. I found myself constantly telling myself how I could not do a thing or was unworthy of a thing. Or my worst habit replaying scenarios in my brain where I felt embarrassed or in adequate. This I still do till this day.
For the first time in a while, I sang in the choir. I honestly thought I was never going to sing in the choir again after some of the experiences I had. I thought that is no longer my ministry and I can serve elsewhere. But somehow, I found myself at rehearsal the week before and then on stage shortly after. While up there we sang a song and the tempo that we sang it at rehearsal was not the tempo we sang it today and I kept hitting false starts. And listen that moment popped into my head the worst time and it can literally paralyze me if I allow it to. It will play over and over with how I could have done it differently or what other people were thinking. It is the most problematic thing for me because it brings up so much anxiety, but I am learning how to cancel out the noise.
I am learning how to talk back to the enemy and learning how to change the way I talk to myself. LOVING ME is important. I the bible says love your neighbor as YOU LOVE YOURSELF. It dawns on me one day that maybe I had a big issue with adequately loving other people because I didn’t truly take the time to learn how to love me. Which reminds me of a random thought I had about how I was going to dedicate the month of march to loving myself and studying what true agape love looks like in the bible. To love myself God’s way so that when it comes, I can recognize it. I won’t be afraid of it or run away because it being unfamiliar. I want to embrace it in all forms, and in all of its beauty because I deserve it. And so do you! Let’s not wait until we are in a relationship to be the best version of ourselves or to receive love.
Do you. Be you. Love you.